Works in Progress

Abstract

In up to 2 million marriages in the United States, current or former, one spouse is bisexual, gay, or lesbian. When the spouse comes out, the marriage is threatened because of scant information about mixed-orientation marriages (especially those with disclosing wives), misconceptions about sexual orientation, and the myth that post-disclosure marriages are doomed, particularly when wives disclose. Bisexual-heterosexual couples face the dichotomous view of sexual orientation as gay or straight. About a third of known post-disclosure couples try to stay married, and roughly half do so for three or more years. This study looks at strategies, supports, and deterrents in enduring marriages of 40 bisexual wives, 47 lesbian wives, 27 heterosexual husbands of bisexual women, and 22 husbands of lesbian women. Helpful strategies common to all samples include honest communication, taking time, and finding peers. Peer support and counseling are supports. These findings echo those of bisexual and gay husbands and heterosexual wives of bisexual or gay men. Others reveal personal qualities and parental caring. Compared to their counterparts, more bisexual wives and heterosexual husbands of bisexual women mention love and emphasize the couple relationship. Fewer report deterrents, and families of origin support more. Like bisexual husbands and heterosexual wives of bisexual men, they expanded their concept of sexual orientation to encompass dual attraction and assume marital sex as a given.