Is feedback really a gift, or is it something you dread? A great deal hinges on your honest response to that question, so take a moment to notice if you smiled or sneered when you read the title of this article. Although we understand the importance of giving and receiving feedback, it's a skill set that's too often neglected. Our effectiveness in fostering teamwork, staff engagement, and even workplace accountability is enhanced or diminished by our feedback skills. As high-performing teams guru Patrick Lencioni has said, “When we fail to provide honest and constructive feedback, we're letting people down personally and also letting down our team.”1 In addition, our self-awareness and career development take a hit when we have difficulty with being on the receiving end of feedback. The good news is that this essential skill set can be honed by learning to value feedback and developing methods for more effectively giving feedback and being more responsive when receiving it. First, it's important to ask permission to give someone feedback, pick the right time and place, and be clear and caring with what you want to say. If you want the conversation to make a difference, take time to plan it. Feedback on the fly is seldom helpful. Consider your intention: Do you want to see a change in behavior or is this a behavior you want someone to sustain? (See Accentuate the positive.) These are the only two reasons for giving feedback. As you plan the conversation, forget what you've been taught about the “sandwich” approach to feedback. This approach begins with good news, followed by bad news, which is then followed with more good news. Although this is common practice, in reality, it undermines your feedback and leaves you feeling disingenuous.2 Update your know-how with a much more effective method from feedback skills expert Shari Harley, who suggests an eight-step formula for giving feedback: Introduce what will be discussed and why it matters to bring clarity and focus to the discussion. Empathize to reflect sincerity and allow both parties to feel as comfortable as possible. Describe the problematic behavior as specifically as possible to lessen defensiveness. Share the impact of the behavior; in other words, indicate what happened as a result of the behavior. Engage in a dialogue by asking for the person's perceptions, intent, or questions; a two-way conversation is the key. Make suggestions or recommendations by discussing what you want to see done differently next time. Agree on next steps, such as what will be different going forward and what support is needed. Say thank you to show appreciation for the person's time and commitment to change.3 Remember to deal with only one or two issues at a time and keep in mind how you would want to be treated in the situation. Use “I” statements, such as “I've noticed...” or “I'm concerned about...” Most important, stay focused by separating the facts (what you observed) from your feelings or the opinions of others. It's about the behavior, not your assumptions about the other person's personality and his or her intent. Giving examples of the behavior in question increases the likelihood that your feedback will be taken seriously. If you don't have specific examples of the behavior under discussion, then you aren't prepared to give feedback. (See Common mistakes.) Helping someone see the impact of his or her behavior is pivotal to the feedback process. Again, the need to be specific is essential.