Sex, Intimacy, and the Internet

Abstract

Looking at the lines of thinking sex educators, counselors, and therapists use to embrace the Internet reveals undercurrents within these disciplines. Some might propose that global computer networks are advantageous to intimate relationships (e.g., information access, teaching communication skills, contact without anxiety or exposure, “baby step” hierarchies, and “practicing”). Uncharted territory like the Internet encourages broader application of the shibboleths in our field (e.g., an ongoing emotional relationship is reducible to simple skills, stylized patterns of communicating, or successive approximations of face to face contact). These rationalizations are readily received by consumers because they reinforce what people want to hear. From the standpoint of differentiation, ease of self-presentation and limited self-confrontation in “cyberdating” are likely to perpetuate dependence on other-validated intimacy and not stimulate capacity for self-validated intimacy in poorly differentiated people. Although Internet usage is likely to grow, technological advances that limit self-presentation are likely to limit current enthusiasm for “cyberintimacy.”