Repairing the Bond in Important Relationships: A Dynamic for Personality Maturation

Abstract

The author sought to establish a common set of interactional dynamics involved in growth-facilitating interpersonal relationships. Empirical studies of the three most common dyadic relationships associated with personality growth were reviewed: infant-mother attachment behaviors, the psychotherapeutic alliance, and the marital relationship. Empirical and clinical studies support the conclusion that growth is facilitated when a strong affective bond is established with an important other and the inevitable disruptions of this bond are repaired. Personality maturation across the lifespan has been attributed to the internalization of admirable qualities of important others. The data surveyed suggest that the interactional dynamics associated with internalization involve establishing a strong affective bond with an important other and repairing this bond's inevitable ruptures. It is both the rupture and the repair that are crucial.